Why I Could Kill You If I Had To (In a Zombie Apocalypse)

A zombie from my favorite TV show.

Yes. You read that correctly.

Please tell me I am not the only person who has had countless detailed conversations with her mother about what she would do if a zombie apocalypse actually happened?

From the Walking Dead, Fear the Walking Dead, iZombie, to Warm Bodies... I am a little obsessed with the undead lately. Mostly because I have nothing to do but watch Netflix as I recover from surgery right now, but I'm not gonna lie... I have been contemplating how I'd respond to this particular cultural shift for some time.

And in the spirit of honesty I'm a little scared out of my mind.

Can you imagine what you would do if humans actually started becoming zombies? This is assuming, of course, that you yourself stayed human long enough to have to figure out how to navigate through this particularly devastating international phenomenon.

Okay, okay... I know this has nothing to do with running. Or parenting. Or my real life. But seriously, this is a thought I am sure many of us have entertained in recent years as television and film have inundated us with the zombie genre. 

This constant exposure has got me asking myself some very biting questions.

Where would I live?

Easy. In a 3-story house on a very small island surrounded completely by a body of fresh water. I would live on the top floor of this big house with lots of bedrooms where my group and I could lock ourselves up individually each night (to prevent us from turning on our loved ones should we become a member of the zombie race while we slept). The house would be tall enough that it would double as a lookout so that my group could easily see outsiders or stray zombies who tried to boat or swim to the safety of our private sanctuary.

Who would I live with?

My husband (if he survived) and my three children would be my emotional picks. But what if I could hand pick the rest of my group by talent? 

First, me. I can run long distances so I would pick myself. I am certain I could outrun hungry zombies for 20+ miles at least if my life depended on it (although persistent, zombies tend to be pretty slow). Therefore my main asset would be that I could contribute long distance travel by foot. Bonus, I am generally positive and sometimes funny so I would provide the social lubricant necessary to lighten the mood, provide optimism, and offer mild comedic relief.

Next pick? Definitely my dear mother. She has watched more zombie, horror and sci-fy movies and/or television shows than any other person I know. She would be our content expert and the leader of the house. Her bonus skill is that she is a registered nurse and could care for our injuries, amputating the occasional zombie-infected limb when needed.

My brother would be included too, assuming he contributed his arsenal of weaponry. He could use his hunting skills to kill-shot prey for eating or to target attacking zombies. Not only a master with weapons, his bonus is that he also has a degree in automotive technology which would be bound to come in handy when trying to get old, broken down vehicles up and running again.

Although technically already included because he is one of my emotional picks, my 7-year-old son would be a no brainer (pun intended). I often tell him that if the world somehow magically turned into a world of Minecraft that he would be my leader. I think his exceptional Minecrafting skills would transfer well to a world where we would literally have to build something from nothing. His bonus, he is small and could fit into a rock and hard place.

I would include others in my group as they came along if they could contribute to or complement these skill sets. But having a close-nit, small group would be vital. However if you think you have what it takes to be included in my group, comment below with your attributes.

I might consider adding you to my group. Seriously.

Where would I get food or water?

Assuming I wasn't craving brains, finding food would be tricky. There would be a flat roof on our tall house where we would grow fresh vegetables and attract and trap birds. We would be surrounded by water so we could boil that and drink it indefinitely. The water might attract wildlife that we could hunt and would likely provide fish. Living on a small island there wouldn't be many other houses to raid for nonperishable foods, so that would be a downside of living in this location. 

Could I kill zombies?

Not at first and not if they were my family members. I would need others to help me out for awhile until I could wrap my mind around the fact that zombies existed and would kill me if I didn't kill them first. Eventually though, I could do it if I had to. I am not very strong so I would need to build physical strength to be able to stab into a brain through a skull, but many zombies after some time would decay and although still undead, their flesh and bone would be easier to break through. I know. Gross. And I can't believe I am actually typing this out either.

Wow. I have thought way too much about this. It's kind of depressing.

If you made it all the way to the end of this article, thank you. I know this isn't typically what you find on my blog and it may be of no interest to you.

But one day you might thank me. 

Reading this article may have just saved your life.